Capturing Sanity.

Through my drunk and harsh reality, surrounded by laughter and bliss, I realized something. A very sad something. But brilliant, and worth the recognizability.

On New Year's Eve, I realized, how I alone I really am. How alone this world is. How sad life really is.

Walking through a city with hundreds of thousands of people, the stranger (you) may be curious as to how you could possibly come to a conclusion of sorts at that time, on that day, with those circumstances. But in this reality we walk through, now is always the perfect time. Now is better than later. Now is better than never. Now is better than both you and I.

The ability to be open gave me the power to notice my singularity in life. A singularity worth exploring, and trying to move through. Because you see, now knowing what I know; I know that life will never be the same.

Where the beginning ends.

"Lies only get you one way. They're a point of no return." - Me.

Lived Life - Part 1

From time to time, I turn my back to the world and I turn my face to my past. My visual past, my analytical past, my lived life.

Life. The center. Happy-medium. Hearth. Your laughter. Your cries. Your anger. Your you.

I enjoy reflecting on the things I have accomplished in my life. I enjoy reading analysis' I have written through out my life the most. It's almost as if I wrote them then for me now. As a little reminder, that things are going to be okay. That not all is lost. And, that not all is found.

[But what is a game of hide and seek once you've seeked. The game is over. Life can be looked at as a game of hide and seek. You hide, and then you seek life when your insecurities have become secure. You seek until you have nothing left to seek, and when that time comes the game is over. I guess you could say seek wisely. Seek until you have nothing left to seek; so that your game over was a game with a generous amount of points. You may make it to a bonus round. :)]


I have not found everything in my life. Not at all. I will continue to be patient, I will continue to smile. I will continue to be there.

For, not all who wander are lost. But all who are lost will wander.

Me. I'm a wanderer. Come. Let's wander together.

All that is gold does not glitter.

All that is gold does not glitter.

‘All that is gold does not glitter, all that wander are not lost’ is one of the first things I read this morning as I signed onto my facebook. It strikes me. As does another one that describes the experiences we learn in life, the situations we are put through, and the choices we make with the information we withhold. So, I think. My choice. What do I do with the information I have gathered throughout the years.

For years I have considered myself a lost wanderer. For centuries so has the rest of the world. Maybe it is because the term wander has coincided with lost; thanks to definitions that give us the relations between the words and the meanings they portray. Let’s start anew, fresh. Let us make our own correlations, and our own meanings of life.

If we can define ourselves, then we can make choices based off the events that have brought us to this point in our lives. We can be the masters of our own disguise.

Red Sea.

Red Sea.

They call themselves fisherman. But they are not fishing, and they are certainly far from anything that is man.

They are murderers, and they live in a sea of blood. It should be their blood. But it is innocent blood. Blood that never asked to be shed. Blood that was lured in by the racketing sound of fear. Blood that took away their babies, their family, and last but never least, themselves.

They are the rarest form of beauty. But beauty nonetheless. They are the dolphin. And they are here to stay. But they need our help. Help from the real women and men of the world. Help from the ones that can see through the blood red seas and make them clean again.

Help from the ones that aren’t afraid to stand up.

-Mirrorless me.

**If you are any person that calls yourself a man or woman in any decency, then you will txt dolphin to 44144. To learn how to end the murder and violence happening in Japan every year! If not, then you’re just a bitch.

Cosmos Anyone?

For most of our lives, many women have spent endless hours if not their whole life searching for the perfect man. One that displays charisma, who smiles, is thin, full of color and life, flexible and most importantly understanding.

Now that sounds like my kind of man, and I found him. All of you reading this right now have found him too. It all came to me the other night while I was at my girl friends house, laying on the couch, reading my cosmo. I came across a three page spread of some of the sexiest men located all around the country. And then it hit me, the way I hit men out of my house who don’t carry those qualities. I shouted loud enough for my neighbor and our five animals to hear, “Pfftttt, who needs a boyfriend, I have a cosmo!”

My perfect man is a cosmo magazine and he comes in the November issue on an eight by eleven, full of color, thin and flexible sheet of paper. I like to refer to him as the “paper boyfriend.” He is sleek and sexy, and never rejects me. As a matter of fact I have a choice! Most of the time I am lucky if I have one pick of the litter, but not today. Today I can choose from several men, and if I get bored with North Carolina I can escape and move halfway across the country to Mr. Hawaii.

Paper boyfriends are the best kind of man there are out there. I can yell at them, change in front of them, dance like I’m having seizures, and the best thing about this all is that he will look at me the same no matter what. I could even get fat, let my boobs hang to the floor, and deny sex all at the same time. And you better bet your button that he’s still smiling at me by the end of the night.

After carefully reviewing the pros and cons, as many women can be caught doing, I have come across but two downfalls. Abuse by paper cuts, which is acceptable and heals in twenty four hours. And, the limited conversations that may not take place during this relationship. But what could possibly be so bad about that? He would be a great listener. And if any of you ladies date the same tard nuggets I do, then you’ll understand that silence is golden.

Grown-Up

Sometimes I sit and wonder, as most people wonder, just sitting or walking aimlessly while their minds flutter elsewhere. But, I wonder what life is all about. What one must endure, and what one should endure, where does it stop, when is it too much. Or is that what life is about, endurance. I understand that some philosophers or what not would say, well "what IS endurance?" And "what does TOO much feel like?" And others would desensitize my whole philosophic structure and say that "endurance depends upon the nature of the individual enduring it." These "others" just trying to make themselves sound smarter, but really they are just repeating the nature of my story and adding the average reasonable everyday tolerance level to it.

When people grow up, and I say this as if I am not grown up, but really maybe I should be categorizing myself within this grown up theory.

Okay, so...when people grow up and get married and yada yada, is it really always peaches and candy? How much is too much? How much of someone else's shit are we supposed to put up with before we say eff you? And why do others work on it, is it just a psychological deference of not wanting to give up and lose? Were we all really meant to be alone and walk the barren Earth once as our forefathers did? Who knows, and why bother fighting the cycle.

I will never know the answers, or maybe I will one day when I'm grown up.